Hater

Dear_________,

I'm not an asshole, it's just my job.

Sincerely,

Me

The Man.

Dear Mr. Police Officer, 

Get out of the fucking fast lane if you are going the speed limit.

Respectfully. 

Me

A Note to Fall

Dear Fall,

Enough already with your fucking pumpkin spice whatever, hipster dads who go apple picking instead of watching football, and your heirloom pumpkins that look like the are covered with genital warts!

Seriously. 

Me